Tag Archive: poverty


Head high shoulders straight,
Undressed and confess;
I messed-Up.
Thinking I would become good enough
To get paid for jocking the box,
Like my idol Frankie Crocker.
I am a loser sexagenarian;
Cannot even score
A female soul-mate
As planned with Inna in 2012 and before..

I fucked-up,
Chose the wrong path.
Higher educated and lower paid;
Can’t even seem to get laid!
The whole town of my college friends,
Is laughing at me.

“Dumbass! Shoulda got a REAL job!”

Now I am impoverished only child
Dependent upon maybe a lottery hit –
Or crowdfunding success.

I’ve disheartened desired
Ukraineskee number three.
First there was Inna,
Who found and funded me passport
I did not ask that favor!
She gave me hope like no other.

Then Tanya and Ala simultaneously;
I tried to replace her with.
More Tanya than Ala since 2015.
So (tak)I am fessing -up.

It is 2019 now.
Tanya created an excuse,
That her son was,
Troubled at the University in Kiev,
She had to travel to him;
Many miles in Ukraine to support!
Blowing-off her job,’
So she said;
That was three months ago.

Ala has written fewer letters
Via the dating site “Beauties…”
I am a Mickey Mouse loser;
Today she let me know,
She no longer believes also.
Inna said that too after waiting long too.
And Ala told she wants a baby –
Too for that shit, Heh.

I don’t blame them at all;
Why? I cry!! Real tears!
I am a contemporary American pauper cat.
Higher educated and less wealthy;
Current government and tech policies guarantee,
A failure relying upon a net of safety.

What gorgeous international lady,
That of my seven-year plan;
Wants to be strung-along,
In the lax company
Of a dreamer via internet,
Without any tangible gifts?

Who can latch onto,
The photo of a cool-looking
Long-distance guy,
Who seems to rent and never own?
Sounds so full of baloney I agree.
Now I’m in a new town
Trying again to throw-down,
Yet who knows how long I have to live.
A Baby Boomer representing all we are blessed to give.

I fucked-up all-in-all;
Wasted a university degree.
Nyet,”see-chas” I’m The Wandering Person,
Always making decisions to stay free.

Belonging punished to selfishly croon;
Unsatisfactorily home and alone;
With allergies killing me sans air conditioning!
Need to move and build my own space,
And will do it to it;
When and if my magic numbers from the Great Spirit grace.

Incongruous, obtuse, annoying, insulting, reneging, baffling, rude, phony, sanctimonious, unemploying for a “Yankee”, nice and folksy are some of the words that come to mind about my eleven years in Nashville (or as one of my college buddies described it back in 2008, “Hootyville”, in a partial-reference to the old TV sitcom, “Petticoat Junction”), Tennessee. Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t all negative, in fact I hurdled many obstacles, wrote and published two books among them, which satisfied a long-held goal of mine. But I never “medaled” there.

It was the first time that I heard people really talk like the characters on one of the main TV shows that I grew up watching, “The Beverly Hillbillies”!

Until then, I guess nobody ever suggested that this was even close to a real way of life for a segment of the USA population to me. Even the Black people still act subservient, slavery-like to the whites there in talk, word and deeds! For example, if your name is William Jones, they say stuff like, “Hello, Mista William” instead of “Hello, Mr. Jones…” I never liked that.
I learned there some things I wanted to, some things I didn’t want to about human beings and life.
On the positive tip, I found out that I like hot, Slavic chicks and how cool it would be to merge cultures with one like Lenny Kravitz’ parents did in producing him! I Gardened, landscaped, removed trees on the property that I rented and even had a consistent handyman client who brought out the hammer and “DYI” in me; got darker-skinned under the Tennessee sun on the tennis courts (though hard to find a consistent partner) and cycling the rolling hills on my ole ten-speed! Endured toil, strife and was dragged into court room drama due to NO fault of my own and yet enjoyed many peaceful evenings on my front stoop at the end of my street without neighbors who could spy me – even if I came outside buck-naked. Here now is my “Olympic” top eleven:

11 – That a radio General Manager of the radio station that recruited me to Nashville in the first place can suddenly and without any provocation on my part, fire you at gun-point, in front of witnesses during a bogus staff meeting and that upon filing an assault complaint, local, Nashville lawyers will be reluctant to defend you because, “Hey, he didn’t shoot you, so what are you complaining about??” [For more, please read my Memoir book]

10 – That because of number eleven, I’d become well-versed in drawn-out courtroom proceedings in the southern United States – and probably elsewhere in the country too. [Again, see my Memoir book for more] Even have considered becoming an “Advocate” overseas!

9 – The fulfillment of being a Volunteer English Tutor. Even though I did it as “therapy” for numbers eleven and ten, it vicariously reawakened the “English Major and Teacher” that I originally went to the University to become back in the 1970s! It also lead to and dove-tails with the fulfillment of being a Community Volunteer radio Dee Jay on Vanderbilt University’s former over-the-air college radio station which reawakened the kid who was supposed to become an English teacher, but who became sidetracked by the lure of music, money and show business fame on the airwaves.

8 – That I could successfully manage a two-bedroom house on ¾ acre of land by myself. It was like living in a park [I also mention this in a chapter in my Memoir book]. From clearing brush to mowing for hours at-a-time, to seeing snakes initially while I was hacking away at overgrown vines and tree limbs and jumping back in horror! lol I did it all and got the compliments from those who had lived and worked in the neighborhood, because now they could finally see the nice little cottage. Thanks also to the two property management companies who helped me, especially ERA Woodmont, the original guys who put a new, stable roof on the house, circa 2003 and always came to fix stuff for me, the “low-maintenance” tenant. Prior to moving there and being from New York City where my parents bought the house I grew-up in, I didn’t know one could rent a house! By the time I put Hootyville in the rear-view mirror of my moving Budget rent-a-truck, I wished I had known about renting with the option to buy going in!! [See previous posts on this blog for more on that about-face by the landlord].

7 – How to endure obtuse incongruence, defacto racism, people telling me what they thought I wanted to hear instead of what would move the envelope forward progressively in the midst of some genuinely good, folksy people and government workers who actually provided a safety net for me not to totally fall though the cracks into the abyss of poverty or worse because, in large part, of my ability to articulate verbally and communicate in-writing.

6 – My way around a personal computer. One of the best purchases I ever made was back in 2002 when I had a serious monetary windfall come my way and purchased my old Dell 4400 Dimensions desktop computer and workstation (both which I assembled myself). It would prove to be a life saving educational tool for me in the ensuing years and is one of the reasons I am writing this blog right now!

5 – How, through almost two years of unemployment, I could teach myself to be a social media “expert” (not my term, but others who know me before and since)! Humbling experiences like having to go to the local Food Bank, work my way through the maze of social services safety nets that are not obviously for single men in the USA via my ability to research via internet and then interview and apply, taught me that I can help other people similarly once I get funding for what turned into my current entrepreneurial goals that will save/give me a reason to have a life!

4 – I rekindled my photographer juices via a neighbor lending me her brand-new digital camera, which I ended up showing her family how to use it. I vicariously tapped into the person who learned to develop, via chemicals, old film the “Kodak way” back in the day. Now, able to produce and help those who are not so You Tube savvy, I have found yet another possible money-earning channel and like being called a “videographer”!

3 – Found out that my Grand Aunt and Grand Mother were correct when they advised me “You’ll be lucky to have as many true friends as you can count on one hand – and will likely have fingers left-over in life…”
Not that everyone who did not come to visit me during my suffrage in Hootterville is not a true friend, but only four (4) people from “back home” did (including my Mother, and that was upon a ticket I bought for a supposed “girlfriend/fiancee`” who punked-out and never showed-up to fly to me! [Ms Cole])

I like to think that I would have gone more out my way to visit her similarly if I was one of the many acquaintances amassed in all of those beautiful years. Having said that, I understand my fellow native New Yorkers’ bent that “there is New York, and then there is everywhere else” mentality. Geez, SMH

2 – Just because you are an east coast star Dee Jay and bartender, doesn’t mean that will translate into success in the USA southeast. “Is it because I’m BLACK?” lol (a song) It was the first time I ever experienced nightclub owners not wanting to promote me and use my “name-recognition” to attract party-goers. Instead, they wanted me to have a local “following” in a place I was not native to!! Incongruous!! My reputation, previous gold medals and DJ skills had always been enough to pack a joint! However, because I got to DJ early in my stay there at the club NV, which was managed by a guy from The Bronx (which was why I got into the Dee Jay mix), I met and came to admire Slavic women because the manager hired a few of them to dance in the street viewed window of the club and they sure did attract the guys! I’d come there on nights that I was not spinning, just to hang out and listen to them!

I had never seen exotic beauties like these chicks in my life, and I just had to find out about them! When I sat down and talked to Katyia, the first one I met and heard her Russian accent, it just embellished the beauty and style of a class of females and I’d never known previously, that I decided then and there (circa 2006) that had to have one of them for my own!

1 – Finally, and this one is not possible without #2, living in Nashville allowed the circumstances that lead my Ukrainian beauty and love of my world, Inna, to find me. This singular experience has opened-up the world to me where my home family and country never did in almost six decades! I now have a Passport, and am out of debt because of her and my long-time Attorney, Bruce’s help over the past two years. I have a life and for the first time want to have a wife! It IS a “pity”, as she says, that it is taking me so long to raise the money to fly over to her. [Update! I now have my ticket to go to her! [8-10-2012]

Nashville, Tennessee: A Nice place to visit, but do not get stuck there unless you are FROM there! Maybe, given the same “circumcisions” and choices I had when I moved there, I guess I might do it again.

Comments are always strongly encouraged.

The Modern Beggar’s Opera

 He is now the beggar,

Learning to beg when he came to Tennessee.

A poorer state than his mental was accustomed to;

He came from the sandy sea shores of New Jerzee!

Past lower standard road signs that engulfed him a charity.

Cast off from the casino coast as the beggar in the opera,

A part steeped in challenged integrity.

He learned how to plead.

From courtrooms to donations.

Asking how lives get to this station?

Lines at the food bank,

Social workers and a food stamp.

Massaged not to “worry” through personal indignation.

He became the Master of Ceremonies in the center ring,

Of the Beggar’s Opera.

 

Act One, Scene three;

Why fly south?

You see in him the modern-day slavery!

To paper the toilet with benefits and not afford to buy a roll.

The playwright casts him impoverished,

 Singing the hills of Tennessee blues.

There is too much of that already;

He’ll not commonly strum a guitar.

Granted a stipend for house rent,

Standing in a line that leads into a former school building.

Now used for adults to cry where formerly did children.

Because of all the years of this play,

He called me to vent and I wrote this for him:

Down and almost out, family had turned their backs;

Broke with no hope and at the end of his rope.

And then….

A sweet freedom angel lands in his inbox.

I… am experiencing this right now…you find out who your TRUE ‘friends’ are when you are about to get evicted or worse. I…am seeking a rich person, or philanthropic organization that sees me and the talents that I have and wants to take me under his (or her) wing in order to benefit their bottom line going forward.  I have always thought that I might get “discovered” thusly as I have heard so many others have miraculously…maybe somone hears your voice, or sees my picture, or an old radio show I did,  and says,”Hey, THAT’s the guy we need!”

I played this record on the radio back in the 1970s, and little did I know how much it would mean to me here in “the future that is now”.  It is shameful and a damn shame how people ignore you, when you are down and out.  A miracle will make it all moot, and then watch, as the song says, all them run back to me like long-lost friends…

And one more thing that pisses me off is these companies like AT&T, ComCOST, who will just cut your phone OFF when you fall, say fifty dollars behind, on your monthly bill, even after you make a “payment arrangement” and telling them that you are jobless and at the mercy of the labor department and Congress.  How in the HELL do they expect you to get work and earn money to PAY them if nobody can CONTACT you because your phone is “temporarily disconnected”?  Talk about an oudated “business model”, these sacrosanct megalopolies still think that draconian measures like this will expidite payments from the masses who were up-front with them?  Not true these days,  old Ma Bell, we have other choices;  MajikJack…here I come.

P.S. You may go to my “About” page and donate to a good and talented man who doesn’t want to go out like this.  No amount is too small.  Thank you.