Tag Archive: humor



What if your penis could talk?

Or ladies, your vagina?

I can only speak to it, the penis;
So lets stick to the penis because,
We are full of double entendre now;
I know more about the former anatomy.

Guys, would your penis tell all the tales
Of the tails that you put it through?
What would it say?
Would it stick it to you?
Would it betray your manhood?

If your “wood” could gentleman,
Would it say why it stiffens in the middle of the night,
When nature calls?
And of its relationship to your balls?
The so-called, “family jewels”.
Or how COME it acts UP,
Without a female nearby?

If your penis could talk,
Would it explain those teenage wet dreams?
Or would it allow for a better elderly stream?
Suppose your dick could dictate?

If your dick could think quick,
Would he chronicle all the lays you gave him?
The tunnels of love you made him enter?
No toll necessary but the pleasure of the flesh..
Would he be like “Dick Tracy”,
Investigating the vagina chronicles?

If your penis could talk, when hard;
Would he allow you to walk the walk?
What would the “wood” say about Viagra or cocaine?
Would he want to go “See Alice”?

If Your Penis could talk,
He would likely laugh at erecting “over four hours damage”
Come-on, he can last much longer!
If the woman is sexy and fine!

If your Magic Johnson could speak,
He would be concerned about Lorena Bobbit!
Are they even still together?
Yes, unfortunately and likely in some trailer park,
Chopping meat.

If you named him “Jack Meoff”,
Would your penis explain how you are now a private “southpaw”?
Or all of the times it gave you a hard time for no reason?
Like when you have no companion next to you in the bed?

What would your penis say if it could talk from its tiny mouth?
Would he remember and reveal if you ever contracted an STD?
Or if you enjoy masturbation too much?
Would it brag as a slender, thick or a curved dick?

As you can see, this debate has many angles.
Including the calculation of the dangle;
From forty-five to a sturdy ninety silk degrees;
A silent partner in a three-way love affair,
Who you want to treat right,
Not just beat it.

Couldn’t help the analogy, lol!

Send your opinions! Thank you for reading my poetry.

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                                                By the time you read this, the sun may have peeked through long enough that these words are moot.  Or maybe where you are reading this from it is sunny most of the time unlike here in most of the eastern half of the U.S. and especially the southeast where I only remember one sunny and springlike day since this month began,  and that was Monday March 1st.

I hate when it is cloudy all the time with temperatures steady in the mid-40s;  I am one of those people for whom sunshine is a necessity.  It is bad enough that I moved to a state that is landlocked several years ago for the first time in my life, and that I miss the ocean like a long-lost friend, but these clouds day-after-day is beginning to wear on me.  And it is not even  raining! At least if it is going to be cloudy, then it should RAIN!! [I’m sorry, lost it for a minute…] It is just freakin’ cloudy, dreary, boring, depressing and difficult to imagine that the first day of spring is only days away and St. Patrick’s day is tomorrow.  Green looks so much better under sunny skies. What has happened?  Has the atmosphere stopped moving the weather form west to east?  Is the Earth now becoming more like our nearest neighbor, Venus?

When the weather is stagnant like this, I don’t even want to get out of bed; mood melancholia magnified sapping my motivation, and January-like hibernation beckons again.  In short, “this weather sucks!”and the timing couldn’t be worse with so many of us needing some really good news because we are so financially fragile nowadays.

I remember when I was a kid back in the 1960s and there was a rumor that they were seeding the clouds to make it rain because of a perceived “drought” over much of the country and this makes me wonder about that all over again. Or the “old wives tale” that when they shoot the space shuttle up over the earth, it messes up the weather patterns for weeks, the vapor trails disrupting the flow of the winds.  Is there a shuttle in orbit right now?  Hmmm.

The weather channel guy says  there is a “blocking northeastern low pressure system in the upper levels of the atmosphere”, yeah well get it out of there! This is when a practical application of science needs to be applied to help unblock the weather and move things along. This IS “the future” right? Can’t they do something constructive like  keep ample sunshine peeking through for me and you?

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