Head high shoulders straight,
Undressed and confess;
I messed-Up.
Thinking I would become good enough
To get paid for jocking the box,
Like my idol Frankie Crocker.
I am a loser sexagenarian;
Cannot even score
A female soul-mate
As planned with Inna in 2012 and before..
I fucked-up,
Chose the wrong path.
Higher educated and lower paid;
Can’t even seem to get laid!
The whole town of my college friends,
Is laughing at me.
“Dumbass! Shoulda got a REAL job!”
Now I am impoverished only child
Dependent upon maybe a lottery hit –
Or crowdfunding success.
I’ve disheartened desired
Ukraineskee number three.
First there was Inna,
Who found and funded me passport
I did not ask that favor!
She gave me hope like no other.
Then Tanya and Ala simultaneously;
I tried to replace her with.
More Tanya than Ala since 2015.
So (tak)I am fessing -up.
It is 2019 now.
Tanya created an excuse,
That her son was,
Troubled at the University in Kiev,
She had to travel to him;
Many miles in Ukraine to support!
Blowing-off her job,’
So she said;
That was three months ago.
Ala has written fewer letters
Via the dating site “Beauties…”
I am a Mickey Mouse loser;
Today she let me know,
She no longer believes also.
Inna said that too after waiting long too.
And Ala told she wants a baby –
Too for that shit, Heh.
I don’t blame them at all;
Why? I cry!! Real tears!
I am a contemporary American pauper cat.
Higher educated and less wealthy;
Current government and tech policies guarantee,
A failure relying upon a net of safety.
What gorgeous international lady,
That of my seven-year plan;
Wants to be strung-along,
In the lax company
Of a dreamer via internet,
Without any tangible gifts?
Who can latch onto,
The photo of a cool-looking
Long-distance guy,
Who seems to rent and never own?
Sounds so full of baloney I agree.
Now I’m in a new town
Trying again to throw-down,
Yet who knows how long I have to live.
A Baby Boomer representing all we are blessed to give.
I fucked-up all-in-all;
Wasted a university degree.
Nyet,”see-chas” I’m The Wandering Person,
Always making decisions to stay free.
Belonging punished to selfishly croon;
Unsatisfactorily home and alone;
With allergies killing me sans air conditioning!
Need to move and build my own space,
And will do it to it;
When and if my magic numbers from the Great Spirit grace.
Since my fiancee`/Skype-mate freed me to be “me” in-conjunction with my social media comeuppance three years ago, I post many things to promote our plans and seek self-sufficiency sponsors. The following are from our recent London rendezvous notes. I pray that you, dear reader, have someone in your life that you feel similarly for as I do Inna, who inspired this trip and travel.
Monday, on the way across the Pond
I am “above the clouds” (a song) again and this time on Virgin Atlantic airlines, bound for London, England to rendezvous with my fiancée`, Inna who is coming in from Ukraine. Wow! Long-awaited and incredible; I hope I brought enough “pounds”! Basically, we own the next seven days.
[Then, I did not write a note for the next five days, so consumed with my lady, Inna, was I…]
Friday, 9:40am London time
Just returned to our flat and it is lonely London now, having seen Inna to the plane at Heathrow, early this morning. I felt so bad because she was in no shape to travel since coming-down with a head cold on the flight from Ukraine which got worse during our stay in London. I crash to sleep now for a few hours before I have to go and find the Big Bus Tour office and retrieve my camera case that they have so luckily found and saved for me. Too bad the same can’t be said for our cache of souvenirs from Piccadilly Square that we left at the Bond Street Tube station yesterday. Oh, well, I filed a report; maybe someone or a Tube worker found them and will notify me. This chick came from behind me and helped me out of my tourist confusion at the Tube turnstile on the way back to our flat. She too was Russian, ironically. Maybe Inna sent her? lol I smelled Inna’s perfume everywhere in-public after she left as the London winds reminded me.
I am reliving the special moments like when Inna brought my laptop to our bed Wednesday morning so she could play me some music videos by Lana Del Ray. Priceless!
Friday, circa 2:30pm London time (at Shakespeare Pub)
It is very complimentary and flattering to have someone from London tell me that they like my “American (English) accent”, when it is their country who invented it! I am at “Shakespeare” Pub, dining on their version of London’s famous “fish n’ chips” – a dish that reacquainted my diet with an old childhood staple, green peas! Simple yet delightfully health when steamed.
I think that clouds hover around England – always – I believe.
It is truly awesome that a country like this – on a big island – became so powerful! I always read about it in school and I love that Nina chose this location for us to meet-up. Just another reason I love her and she came into my life at the right time.
Now my next move is to relocate to a hotel within the Heathrow airport vicinity…Inna and our personal cab driver recommended this.
Friday evening, after 9pm London Time at Flynn’s Pub:
(Thinking) What I really hate about cell phone “plans” from all of these “providers” like T-Mobile is UNuniformity. Especially when you travel overseas! They seem to know when you land in another country, but do not give you any benefits that you had where you came from. MY android did not work (was “locked” even though I bought a “sim card” in London) for four days!
London gave me a new meaning to the American slang phrase, “Gimme a POUND!” lol Here is a brief (short) video about how better to solve the whole “no smoking in restaurants” issue!
Day Six in London
Saturday is “solo Saturday” for me near Heathrow. Having detached from our apartment in West Ealing (a really great choice for us to base from) gives me pause for the first time thinking of the future – missing her companionship and dreading the return to the grind of work back in New York City. I am still technically homeless – and this is the next hurdle I must $oon leap over.
As my luck would have it, a “major Gale” (wind storm with rain) approaches London as I stage to leave tomorrow…in the nick of time.
I am at Thistle Hotel Heathrow, a massive and expansive hotel which smells of mold. Its saving grace for me is its lounge which overlooks the airport where you can see the (mostly British Airways) planes take off. I partake of a brilliantly delicious “rump of lamb” which I wish Nina was with me to share. Tasty, tender and really scrumptious.
Sunday, Day seven in London, 4:52pm Heathrow…
Flight gate to be announced at 6:10pm; Hoping to lift-off ahead of the impending storm.
Solo, the lone ranger again, I am missing the companionship and proximity of Inna.
“More Impressions upon A Café` Skype Journey”
I happened to speak to a nice chap while in my final hours in London, who understood my story, or some such gleaned his was similar in that his beloved is from Thailand and he in London. “Why is it so difficult?” he asked, “When you want to marry, they should grant her the visa at once!” He said. It is encouraging to know of others in a similar situation. It is the quest of “Café` Skype” to soon overcome these hurdles to our love and togetherness in the same postal code.
Aboard a Majestic Virgin Atlantic Flight back to JFK
When you fly at night and look up out of your window seat, all you see is the stars – much closer they look!
Aboard Virgin US25 on my way back to ill NYC, I am calmer than expected with new urgency to attract big finances soon in order to offer Nina a chance at togetherness and comfort in The States. Living our dream and not someone else’s.
I knew I would tear-up and cry at some point, and it was at the end of the “Jack and the Beanstalk” movie, “Jack The Giant Slayer” that showed on the seat in front of me on the plane in-flight.
When I saw Jack and Isabella clasp hands and walk like Nina and I did so naturally in London, well…that was it for me being “strong”.
Pickhitt: I am now totally interested in any and all opportunities to live and work in London, U.K. Actively applying; hit me up, Mates, I’m flexible!
~ “Guv’na” Naphtali
I have been through the financial “mill” at the time of this post, having to make sure that my retro move at the age of sixty [60] is truly temporary and be able to repay the lady I want to marry for her help in 2010, while a fifteen-year younger, sick-in-the-head sibling seems hell-bent upon having me be stuck there, ensuring the failure of the remnants of our “family” while I try to help my octogenarian Mum, my fiancee` overseas and her elderly Mum! OMG! Heaven help me now, or end this madness!
I always push to leave every situation that I encounter better than when I found it. it is my “motto”.
Therefore, I now offer for better or worse, the lessons that I have learned via sixty years on this rock, with the prayer that, if nothing else, they will entertain you to maintain your cool – which in these days and times without my soul-mate in the same postal code , is so very hard to do. “Observe!”
1. Patience is a virtue because it is so difficult to consistently sustain. However, the payoff is worth it because most often, when we get what we are waiting for, it comes like a torrential rain following a drought.
2. There comes a point when I have to push the envelope to get the results I need.
3. I never liked banks and adulthood validates this thus far; they are greedy and try to get something for nothing every chance they get.
4. Driver’s licenses are much too easy to obtain (skill wise and especially with all of the distractions in the cockpit installed by automakers these days)
5. When given the chance these days, most people will cheat the laws or be lazy.
6. When It rains, most lose the ability to drive their vehicles safely.
7. To take my time; allow enough time so I do not have to rush to work or an appointment – or for love to happen.
8. Watching TV is a waste of time
9. Not to watch the “news” so as not to have high blood pressure regarding the drama of the world that I cannot control.
10. Not to watch this era’s rich millionaire athletes in shorts run up and down basketball courts while I am struggling to make ends meet! (none of them would lend me a helping hand, anyway) I do not “identify” with their values (or lack thereof).
11. To be concerned, but not to worry.
12. That there are some people that I will never reach – even those technically “related” to me – never, just move on, because “family” will disappoint more than any stranger because I have (false) high expectations thinking that they “know” me…
13. Man is his own worst enemy (our brain).
14. Technology ended common sense (the sixth one)
15. To listen to the hopeful, quieter voice in my head more than the louder, frustrated voice on the other shoulder.
16. To take my time, do not always be in a rush because you will usually get there at the same time anyway
17. The degree that I value more than my high school or college diploma is the one I earned at the “Cool School” whose classes were held on the mean streets of New York City, circa 1960 – 1989.
18. “Don’t believe the HYPE!” (an old lyric that still applies, y’all)
19. No matter when I want something, if I just put things in-place to happen, they will evolve to fruition when they are supposed to…unless my traitorous, fifteen-year younger lesbo sibling gets wind of it, to block it, for some unbeknownst reason, that it will never reveal (demonic spirit we surmise…).
20. To embrace the positives that people bestow upon me and try to earn money with them for Inna and me!
20-A. That being back in New York City briefly, has reinforced that it is not the “great” city that it was prior to “9/11’ but now an Orwellian police state, still running scared and recently managed by a Nanny Mayor who greedily over-regulated the adults who inhabit it.
21. I really believe “everything in its own time” is true.
22. That life is like cycling the hills of Nashville: we work hard, pumping-up the steep hills in order to enjoy the pay-off which is the coast down super-fast on the other side of it.
23. It is true that many dogs resemble their owners!
24. To pick my “spots” in life like a basketball player (I once was pretty good at it); there are times to be aggressive; times to give the “head-fake”; times to show patience…
25. That there are more idiots and morons in the world than ever in our past “Ossie & Harriot” youthful days! Not that I am perfect, mind you, but come ON guys, enough dumbing-down of America (and stop letting every other country’s criminals come over here just because you want more people to pay taxes!)
25A. I am not an “African-American”. I am a Black American (with a little native-American Cherokee mixed-in), the proud descendant of the slaves who were brought here from Afrika, against their will. I’ve never been to Africa, nor do I have the desire to go there (allergies), unless Nina can convince me it is a romantic trip to take, and even then we will have to meditate upon it, lol! “African Americans” are those imports since the 1980s who “look” like us, but who have much more disdain for the Brothas from the USA, and more money to spend with the traditional American establishment!
26. Things DO happen in “threes”. For-example, get one “cut” on your hand or other body part, two more are sure to follow very soon! Or, famous deaths – they always happen in “threes” (three in-a-row)!
I hope that you have comments on a similar vibe in your own cosmic existence which you can espouse here…
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